9 Ways To Build a Supportive Relationship When Your Partner Has OCD

It can be stressful to watch your partner suffer from a mental health condition, especially when that condition is as frequently misunderstood as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). You may struggle to understand your partner’s experience with OCD or feel confused about what you should do to help them.

First, it’s important to understand that it’s possible for the two of you to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship and that if things feel difficult right now, they don’t have to feel that way forever. You can play a crucial role in providing your loved one with understanding, compassion, and support while they learn to manage OCD.

Here are 9 steps you can take to build a more empathetic connection with your partner as you take on OCD together:

1. Remember that you’re on the same team

As the adage goes, try to put yourself in their shoes. Think of it as forming an alliance with your partner—it’s the two of you against OCD, not one of you against the other. Recognizing that you have a common enemy (the OCD) can help you view your partner’s experience through their eyes and enable you to approach challenges with empathy and compassion for how your partner may be feeling.

2. Create a conversational safe space

You may also want to speak in detail with your partner about their experiences with OCD. If they’re open to it, approach this conversation with curiosity and a willingness to learn. People tend to speak more honestly when they feel that the other person is engaged and cares about their thoughts and feelings. If your partner feels safe and doesn’t fear judgment, they’re more likely to share information that could help you understand them better.

3. Educate yourself on OCD

Even though progress has been made, misconceptions about OCD are still common, and may be misleading to the partner of someone with OCD. Learning more about OCD can help you let go of any misguided beliefs and better understand what your partner is going through. If you feel concerned that things may never improve for your partner, you may find it comforting to learn more about how treatable OCD is. Reading stories of other people’s experiences with OCD can also provide hope of what’s possible for your partner.

4. Avoid reassurance

You likely want to help your partner feel better and as a result, you may have found yourself reassuring your partner or getting pulled into ritualistic behaviors. While your heart was in the right place, what you may not have known at the time is that no amount of reassurance and accommodation will make the OCD suddenly retreat. Instead, your partner will need to practice sitting in their discomfort. Over time, this can help them learn that distress and anxiety will always pass, and that they can continue pursuing what they value in spite of these feelings.

5. Understand how OCD can affect intimacy

Recurring, unwanted thoughts, or intrusive thoughts, are one of the main symptoms of OCD. These thoughts can be very distressing and may interfere with your partner’s ability to be intimate, especially if they focus on harm, sex, or other taboo topics. Your partner may avoid or dread intimacy, not out of a lack of desire, but because of the fear of having intrusive thoughts, images, or urges during sexual activity.

Additionally, if your companion is on certain medications for OCD, this may impact their libido. Seeing a therapist who specializes in sex therapy or talking to a doctor about this side effect may be beneficial if the two of you encounter it. It is important to recognize that these experiences are not signs that your loved one is rejecting you. They are additional ways in which OCD can rear its ugly head, not anything to be taken personally.

6. Be intentional about self-care

You’re probably reading this because you care deeply about your partner. That’s an admirable quality, and it’s one I’d guess your partner is very grateful for. That said, it’s important to recognize that you need support, too. It is okay to take time and space to attend to take care of your own mental health. Be intentional about doing things that bring you joy and help rejuvenate you. In order to be there for your partner, you need to make sure your own needs are being met—as the cliché goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

7. Get support from people who understand

You might also find it beneficial to join support groups (either online or in-person) where you can talk to other people whose partners and loved ones have OCD. At NOCD, we offer dedicated support groups for everyone involved in a therapy member’s OCD recovery journey, including their partner or spouse. Connecting with people who understand what you’re going through can be validating, comforting, and incredibly helpful. Hearing other people share how they’ve overcome similar challenges can also teach you skills to help your partner.

Additionally, you may want to seek out your own therapy. Talking to a professional can help you process your emotions and manage your own mental health while you’re providing support.

8. Remember what’s most important

When it comes down to it, what your partner likely wants more than anything is a soft place to land at the end of a grueling day spent battling OCD. They wish to know that you love them unconditionally, that you can look past their disorder and see them for who they are. Like any partner in a loving and supportive relationship, they want to know that at the end of the day, the person they love will choose to stay with them, even when it’s hard.

There is hope and help for your partner

Finally, remember that there is hope for your partner and your relationship. OCD is highly treatable and today, effective treatment is more accessible than ever before. The two of you can get to a place where OCD doesn’t consume your relationship anymore. You can learn to manage this illness as a team.

If you or your partner are struggling with OCD, I truly hope you will reach out to get treatment. The most effective treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy. ERP is a form of therapy that was developed specifically to treat OCD and there are decades of clinical research confirming its effectiveness. It works by breaking the cycle of obsessions and compulsions, which can teach your brain that discomfort will go away on its own, lessening the distress you experience over time.

ERP is most effective when the therapist conducting the treatment has experience with OCD and training in ERP. At NOCD, all therapists specialize in OCD and receive ERP-specific training from experts and researchers who have designed some of the world’s leading OCD treatment programs.

As the partner of someone with OCD, learning the ins and outs of ERP will also be helpful for you. The more you know about how OCD is treated, the more you can help your partner. Many partners discover it is helpful to sit in on some of their significant others’ therapy sessions to get a better idea of how to support their loved ones. 

To ensure our members are supported at every point in their treatment journey, we offer dozens of support groups for NOCD Therapy members and their loved ones at no extra charge. There are meetings nearly every day of the week, and dedicated support groups are available for partners and spouses.

You can book a call with our team to learn more about starting ERP therapy with NOCD and gaining access to support groups as part of your OCD treatment journey.