When your child is struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), the questions can feel endless: Am I doing enough? Am I doing the right things? You likely want to help in any way you can, but it can be hard to know where to begin.
While every family’s experience with OCD is different, there are certain pieces of advice that resonate almost universally—and who better to share them than people living with OCD themselves? They’ve been in your child’s shoes and over the years, many of them have learned a lot about what truly helps.
That’s why we called on the NOCD Community to share what they wish their parents had known about OCD and done for them when they were struggling. Here are their best tips for connecting with your child, understanding their struggles, and getting them the care they need.
Trust your child’s experience
“If your child says that something doesn’t seem right, please believe them.”
-PatRyan
“Be curious—ask questions about your child’s worries/fears and where they came from. Be non-judgemental, and help them get the help they need instead of writing it off as a quirk or the child being a ‘worrier.’”
-Jaden5
“Be understanding and try your best to understand your child, even if it doesn’t make sense to you at first.”
-Emily N
Read next: What does OCD feel like? Why OCD thoughts feel real
Seek proper care as soon as possible
“If you see the signs, get them help.”
-beccagaither
“Get them into therapy ASAP. Don’t hope that they can get past it on their own. From experience, it’s impossible to do through sheer willpower or extreme parental discipline. And remember that it’s not for you to ‘understand,’ it’s only your job to be active in helping them heal.”
-LostintheOCD
“Listen, and get them in therapy with qualified OCD therapists as soon as possible.”
-Anonymous66
Read next: The most common OCD symptoms in children
Be your child’s safe space
“Support them. Learn to listen without immediately offering solutions. Be a safe space for them to share fears or progress. Keep what they tell you confidential from members of your family or friends, unless they tell you it’s okay to share. If you don’t understand something, ask them questions or do research. And know that something that may seem small or insignificant to you can be a huge matter for someone with OCD. Check in with them and ask how you can help.”
-MichelleV
“Love, compassion, knowledge, professional help. It’s a brutal illness; encourage them and stay with them all the way through the process.”
-Anonymous OCD Conqueror
“Your kid probably doesn’t fully understand what’s going on inside their head either. You feel stressed out by their OCD, but imagine how they feel. Their brain is constantly overworking itself. Be a constant for them; be a safe space where they don’t have to guess or assume. Tell them you are there for them and that it can be scary sometimes. Just be there for them and let them know it’s okay to not be okay.”
-erinw11
Read next: What does my child with OCD need from me?
Your kid probably doesn’t fully understand what’s going on inside their head either. You feel stressed out by their OCD, but imagine how they feel.
erinw11
Make education a priority
“Educate yourself as thoroughly as you can, and then educate your child. Help them to know there is a reason for the way they think, feel, or behave and that there is support available to them to alleviate those symptoms.”
-Anonym99
“OCD is not one of those ‘just snap out of it’ type of things. So be patient, be understanding, but most importantly, be open to sharing and learning from others. Together we are stronger!”
-Anonymous OCD Conqueror
“Make sure your kids are educated on their condition and have a good therapist that can teach them.”
-Wolfram
Read next: Getting treatment for a child with OCD
Nurture your child’s strength instead of providing reassurance
“As a parent, I can’t imagine how difficult it is to watch your child suffer. Despite this, it is important, or at least was for me, that you encourage the child to help themselves. It was very important that my parents did not coddle me, but instead empowered me to be able to face the challenges and do difficult things. Your child is not weak; they are incredibly strong and they need to really know that. Be there for them but always make sure they know that recovery is up to them and their incredible strength.”
-mari.201
“Stop reassuring them! I think this is probably the hardest for parents… I’m a parent myself and I have OCD and I think this will be difficult for me in the future. It’s not helpful though. It only makes everything they’re afraid of worse. Your kids will come to you begging for reassurance…over and over to try to ease their fears, but it’s better to give them a direct but empathetic, ‘I see you are really having a hard time with this fear. I can’t answer this again, because it will only make it harder for you, but I love you so much and would be so happy to give you a hug or sit by you while we face your fear together.’”
-Striving for joy
“Don’t be afraid to give your child room to understand what they are going through. As much as you want to take their pain away. Let them understand that they are much stronger than they think.”
-dsmith
Read next: The dos and don’ts of parenting a child with OCD
Your child is not weak; they are incredibly strong and they need to really know that.
mari.201
Practice healthy coping skills with your child
“Tell them that things we worry about may or may not happen, and it’s not our responsibility to figure out all the answers. Do square breathing regularly with your child and teach them about the mindfulness method of 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. (You focus on 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you smell, 2 things you feel (e.g. clothes in your legs, socks cradling your toes), and 1 thing you taste). This has helped me immensely pull away from anxiety attacks before they take over.”
-Anonymous NOCD Member
“[Teach them] a realistic view of risk! My partner has a great model of 1-5 risk assessments where 5 is ‘This is going to actively physically kill me and is akin to a bear attack.’ It’s been really helpful to have a metric of risk when my OCD says that confrontation will kill me and I can say ‘This is not a bear attack.’”
-AnxiousTiger25
“Do ERP with your child (especially if they are younger). Sit with them and walk them through their ERP. Take deep breaths together. Talk to the scary feelings (anxiety) together: ‘Hi scary feeling. You feel like tightness in my chest/a hole in my stomach… Thanks for trying to keep me safe. I know I’m safe right now—even if I don’t believe it, the people around me are telling me I am so I’m going to trust them—and so you don’t have to do that job. Thank you though. I’m going to sit here with you, scary feeling, until you pass.’ This might take a while, but if you don’t have to be out the door to school/work/an appointment, please take the time to stay with your child through their exposure until they call down.”
-Vikki8829
Read next: What happens in ERP therapy? Exercises & examples
Find your child effective treatment
OCD can feel overwhelming for both children and their parents, but with the right treatment, tools, and support, conquering it is possible. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is the leading approach for managing OCD, as it’s been proven to be the most effective treatment over decades of clinical research.
ERP is a specialized form of therapy designed specifically to treat OCD. It empowers kids to confront their fears step by step, helping them learn that they can tolerate discomfort without relying on compulsions. This process reduces their symptoms by breaking the obsession-compulsion cycle and helps build lifelong skills for managing OCD.
At NOCD, our licensed therapists receive extensive specialized training in ERP and tailoring treatment to children, teens, and adults. Whether your child is just beginning to show potential signs of OCD or has been struggling for years, NOCD Therapists are prepared to meet them where they are and develop a personalized treatment plan based on their age, symptoms, and unique needs.
Our virtual platform makes therapy accessible and convenient for families, and we provide always-on support between sessions so your child is never alone. We also partner with many major insurance plans, giving over 9 in 10 Americans with commercial insurance access to NOCD Therapy as a covered benefit, often with affordable copays.
Book a free 15-minute call with our team to learn more about how we can help your child get the care they need and reclaim their life from OCD.