Can Your Body “Reject” Someone in a Relationship?

Body rejection is a non-scientific term for the physical effects of your body literally “rejecting” your partner. It’s become a hot topic on TikTok and Instagram, where users share stories of symptoms like acne, constipation, and fatigue that they believe were caused by their relationships. These users claim that once they left their partners, their symptoms seemed to disappear almost instantly.

So what is body rejection, exactly? If you’re already experiencing anxiety around your relationship, seeing this trending topic may make you wonder if your body is giving you signs to withdraw from your partner. However, the real answer might not be so simple. When it comes to relationship dynamics, there are often complex emotional issues to consider, and your own mental health plays a significant role as well.

If you’re concerned you may be physically rejecting your partner, keep reading to learn more about why this might be happening. 

Can your body reject someone?

First of all, is it actually possible for your body to reject another person? Technically, no. “Your body is reacting to something that the brain has created, but it’s not as if the body is doing anything without the influence of the brain,” says Patrick McGrath, PhD, Chief Clinical Officer at NOCD. 

When you have negative thoughts or feelings about your relationship, you may consciously or subconsciously express them through physical symptoms. “We don’t have proof of body rejection being a literal thing,” says Dr. McGrath. “No one has ever studied this, so it is not a diagnosis.”

Your gut feeling, or intuition, may be able to warn you about someone or something. If you have a bad feeling about your partner, your intuition may cause physical responses. Intuition is likely linked to the gut-brain connection, in which your central nervous system can influence your gastrointestinal (GI) system and vice versa. If you feel like something is off, like your partner creates a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, it may be best to “trust your gut” that there is a problem. That said, anxiety and other issues can make it extremely difficult to trust your gut—we’ll get to this shortly. 

Stress may be another reason why you feel yourself physically rejecting your partner. While our body is designed to handle stress in small amounts, when it becomes a chronic or long-term problem, it can affect other areas of our body. Prolonged psychological stress can impact cardiovascular health and the GI and endocrine system (hormones). 

Body rejection may also indicate that you’re dealing with relationship conflict. If you’re constantly at odds with your partner, this conflict can become a source of stress that not only affects your mental health but your physical well-being, too. One study showed that relationship conflict led to the development of various health conditions, lower self-rated health, and lower quality of life among participants. 

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Why do I feel like my body is rejecting my partner?

Can a toxic person make you physically sick? If you’re worried your body is trying to warn you about your partner, it’s a good idea to pay attention. It’s not always easy to identify abuse in a relationship, especially emotional abuse, which can cause depression, stress, and anxiety.  Your body may have its own way of sensing a toxic relationship dynamic before your mind fully realizes it.

Physical symptoms that can arise from relationship troubles include:

• Digestive problems: If you’re constantly fighting with your partner, your gut health could be affected. A “leaky gut” or increased intestinal permeability is a hypothetical medical condition that occurs when the gaps between the cells of your gut’s lining get larger. Research revealed that married couples who were very hostile towards each other were likelier to have higher lipopolysaccharide-binding protein—a marker of leaky gut—than less hostile couples.
• Headaches: The stress from an unhealthy relationship may trigger headaches. Tension headaches, which develop when your neck and scalp muscles become tense or contract, can be a response to a stressful situation, such as a toxic partner.   
• Erection troubles: For some people, being unable to get an erection could be a sign of relationship issues. “Maybe you’re able to get an erection with one person and not with a different person because of your thoughts or fears about them,” says Dr. McGrath.
• Vaginismus: Anxiety disorders, fear, or negative feelings about sex, may cause vaginismus, an involuntary tensing of the muscles around the vagina. If you have vaginismus, your body may physically reject penetrative sex from your partner.
• Shortness of breath: If you feel anxious around your partner, your body can go into the fight-flight-freeze response, the survival mechanism that allows us to respond quickly to life-threatening situations. The result is feeling like you’re running out of breath or cannot breathe properly. 

Is this a sign of a bigger health issue?

If you’re experiencing physical symptoms from your relationship, it’s a good idea to visit a doctor to ensure there’s not any underlying health problems that need attention. “It’s always a good idea to get something checked out if you have concerns,” says Dr. McGrath. “I would recommend a physical examination to see what’s going on.” 

Is it a real relationship issue?

If there’s no abusive or toxic dynamic, but you still feel that your body seems to be rejecting your partner, there could be deeper relationship issues going on. If you feel like you have a tendency to avoid your partner or fear getting too close, you may have an avoidant attachment style. People with avoidant tendencies often have trouble balancing emotional and physical intimacy with independence. 

Having different goals and values can also create conflict. For example, if one partner wants to focus solely on their career and the other wants to settle down and create a family, or one partner wants a monogamous relationship and the other doesn’t. If these issues are ongoing and not resolved through honest communication, the resulting stress can have impacts on the body. 

Could it be a mental health concern?

If you’re feeling anxious about your relationship, you may project it through physical symptoms. Relationship anxiety is a type of anxiety disorder that entails constant overthinking, worrying, and nervousness about your relationship. You may find yourself questioning your attraction or seeking reassurance, often to validate your feelings for your partner. Having some relationship anxiety is normal, but if constant intrusive thoughts about your relationship are affecting your life, it’s worth taking a closer look. 

“You might be overly concerned about the relationship and how you respond to your partner,” says Dr. McGrath. “You may interpret that as something terrible about the relationship and that you don’t really like each other.”

Mental health conditions like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can also cause the feeling that your body is rejecting someone. OCD is a treatable mental health condition that causes intrusive thoughts, urges, sensations, urges and/or images that bring discomfort or distress. People with OCD perform compulsions, which are repetitive physical or mental actions that help cope with the distress caused by obsessions. 

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a subtype of OCD where people have recurrent intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that are tied to their relationships. People with ROCD constantly question every aspect of their romantic partnership because they’re seeking reassurance that their relationship is secure. They may go through periods where they become very close with their partner and then begin to distance themselves. This can cause uncomfortable feelings that can be interpreted as their body “rejecting” their partner.  

Another condition that could play a role in how your body reacts to your partner is body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). “With BDD, you could perceive things about your body that nobody else does,” says Dr. McGrath. “Because of this perception, you may think you’re gross and disgusting and that no one would ever want to be with you.” Some people with BDD may avoid sexual relationships with their partners because of their appearance, which can also seem like a sign of body rejection. 

How to feel more secure in your relationship

Feeling as if your body is rejecting your partner can take a toll on a relationship, but it’s possible to work through if both partners are willing to communicate. 

If you are sure your partner is not toxic or abusive and the body rejection feeling is stemming from another issue, here are some things you can do to repair your relationship:

• Find out the source of the issue: A good starting point is to figure out why you feel like your body is rejecting your partner. “Is the relationship the problem, or is it a sign of something else?” asks Dr. McGrath. “Maybe you’re blaming the relationship, and that’s the reason for the bodily shutdown when the reality is there’s something internal going on, and it’s easier to blame the other person than it is to take responsibility.”
• Seek treatment if necessary: If you think that you have relationship anxiety, ROCD, or BDD, seeking treatment can help. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy is the gold standard treatment for these mental health conditions. In ERP, you work with a licensed therapist who guides you through exposure and response prevention techniques to help you learn how to face your fears about your relationship without performing compulsive behaviors (e.g., seeking reassurance, hair-pulling, excessive cleaning, hoarding, etc.). 
• Talk to your partner: Communication is vital in any relationship, especially with your partner. It is crucial to have tough conversations to share your concerns about your relationship so you can figure out what’s best for both of you. 

Listen to your body

Body rejection is not as straightforward as it initially might seem. Your body cannot actually “reject” your partner, but it can give you warning signs that something is wrong in the relationship, and it can provide insights into your own mental health. If you’re experiencing physical symptoms around your partner, take the time to really listen to what your body is telling you.