Living with OCD

Imagine you’re leaving for work when a thought strikes: “Did I turn off the stove?” This small worry spirals into fears of the stove catching fire,

For many people, there’s nothing more relaxing than curling up with a good book. But for those of us with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), the

It’s safe to say that most people prefer to avoid feeling uncomfortable—but for those of us with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), discomfort can throw

"What if…" These two small words can feel suffocating when you’re dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), turning every unanswered question into

Remember when parenting seemed like it might involve teaching your child how to tie their shoes, helping them with their homework, and dealing with

For many people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), a harsh voice of self-criticism seems to follow every intrusive thought. It brings on waves of

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.” This classic quote from “Forrest Gump” rings particularly true for those of

When people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) tell Dr. Patrick McGrath that they can't believe he doesn't have OCD himself, he takes it as the

In a world that glorifies being productive, it’s easy to overlook the signs that you’re reaching your limit. Feeling overwhelmed can leave you feeling

Humans are creatures of habit—we have a tendency to find solace in our daily routines. However, life can be unpredictable and chaotic, and sometimes we

OCD will be part of my life until my last breath.  It’s a hard thing to live with, and it’s not fun.  But, I do have the ability to not let it destroy my life, and have a proven track record to show for it. 

Since starting my recovery journey with NOCD, my life has changed and is much more positive than I could have ever imagined. OCD moments still happen daily, but they no longer take up days, weeks, or months. They are moments that do not control my life, and my recovery includes understanding that OCD isn’t going anywhere. It’s going to be here, and it is up to me to decide the role I let it play.

I felt like I had no control. I had no control over my compulsions. I felt completely powerless over the things my illness wanted me to do. It was as if a kidnapper was holding me hostage, and spewing troubling words constantly into my brain. Instead, it was not a kidnapper. It was not a real, evil person trying to manipulate me. It was just a chemical imbalance in my brain that made me see life so much differently. I was so much stronger than my thoughts, so why was I letting them take everything from me?

Now, as an ERP specialist with a BFRB specialty, I find it fun to be experimental with my own OCD.  At first, this treatment feels like torture. It's hard.  You feel like sometimes you're going to fail or that you can't handle it.  But guess what?  We're here to show you that you can handle it and you're going to eventually tolerate the heck out of it. 

I hope my story can give hope to someone else who is in a dark place. I was convinced that my OCD was treatment-resistant and that I was the “special” case that ERP wouldn’t work for. I was wrong, and I’m so glad I took a chance to reclaim my life. I now embrace my identity as someone who will always have OCD. The harder days don’t mean that things can’t improve, and having a mental illness doesn’t mean I can’t live a full and meaningful life. 

While compulsively googling,  I found an article about harm-themed OCD. It finally clicked. I now knew that I was dealing with OCD and had been for a long time. It had gone undiagnosed. It was then that I realized that what I had thought were actual suicidal thoughts previously were actually a form of OCD called suicidal-themed OCD. OCD had been causing confusion and disruption throughout my life. The article I found linked me to NOCD. I set up a call right away. I have now been working with my NOCD specialist for 6 months. This decision was life-altering. I am now living in recovery with OCD.

After college, I went back to school to become a nurse. I remember being so excited about starting my career and looking back at all the hard work I did to get to where I was. It wasn’t until I started working as a nurse that my OCD decided to take the stage. I would excessively check to make sure I didn’t make a medication error and make sure I completed all my documentation. OCD thrived on my fear of losing everything I worked so hard for.

There may be other people suffering in silence, just like me 2 years ago, who can't find a way out and who don’t understand what’s wrong with them. I want everyone to know, no matter how tough you are, no matter what the circumstances, please speak up if you are struggling with thoughts like mine. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to get past many obstacles in the process. But you will get there. Don’t let mental health get in the way of your hopes and dreams, I know I certainly won’t.

Try and understand, and educate yourself about what OCD is all about and what it isn’t about. Too many people have the wrong idea about this very debilitating illness. If you are struggling, don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Reach out to those around you. Talk to people, and get the help that you need. You don’t need to suffer alone. I did that for too long. There is hope. I feel so happy now, even after having some bad days still. I know that the word “therapy” may sound scary to many people, it is trying to trust the unknown. It is unpredictable. It is uncertain- everything OCD hates.

Three years ago I was in the thick of the worst experience of my life. I was constantly scouring the internet trying to find someone with the exact same issues I had. I was haunted by the idea that it must be something else. I want people to know that you can get better from this. There is hope. I have been told