It’s normal to question your sexual orientation at different points in life. But if these questions come with recurring intrusive thoughts, intense anxiety, and a constant need for certainty, it could be a sign of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)-specifically sexual orientation OCD (SO-OCD), also known as sexuality OCD.
SO-OCD feeds on the fear that you might be “in denial” about your true sexuality. It can lead to compulsions—such as mental checking and reassurance-seeking—to get total clarity. But here’s the trap: OCD tells you certainty is possible, when in reality, no one can ever feel 100% sure about something as personal and complex as identity.
In this article, we’ll explain what SO-OCD is, how it differs from genuine exploration of your identity, why trying to “figure it out” only feeds into the OCD cycle, and how effective treatment can help.
What is sexual orientation OCD (SO-OCD)?
SO-OCD is a theme or subtype of OCD involving unwanted thoughts, feelings, sensations, or urges about your sexual orientation and the compulsive need to find certainty.
SO-OCD isn’t a reflection of your true identity, but it can cause intense confusion, anxiety, shame, and obsessive fear of being in denial. This, in turn, can lead to unwanted thoughts and fears that you’re losing your sexual identity, as well as relationship problems and difficulty performing sexually.
Common intrusive thoughts in SO-OCD
- What if I’m actually gay/straight/bi and don’t know it?
- What if I’ve been lying to myself all along?
- What if I kissed someone by accident and liked it?
- What if I’m faking my current identity?
Common compulsions in SO-OCD
- Mentally checking past experiences
- Reassurance-seeking (e.g., Googling, asking friends or family members)
- Avoiding people or situations that may trigger the thoughts
- Testing arousal (e.g., watching videos, imagining scenarios)
Why it feels like denial—and why it’s not
SO-OCD often makes people feel they’re “in denial” about their sexuality—but that fear is actually the obsession.
With OCD, your brain demands 100% certainty—something that’s impossible with something as personal and fluid as your identity.
Unlike genuine exploration, SO-OCD involves constant doubt, intrusive thoughts, and compulsive checking. It’s not about curiosity—it’s anxiety that won’t let go.
SO-OCD vs. questioning your sexuality: What’s the difference?
Here is a look at the key differences between genuine questioning and SO-OCD:
| Genuine questioning | SO-OCD |
| Feels like curiosity or growth | Feels urgent, distressing, repetitive |
| Open-ended reflection | Constant need to be sure |
| Brings clarity over time | Increases confusion over time |
| May seek support to understand identity | Seeks reassurance to eliminate uncertainty |
Why trying to “figure it out” makes OCD worse
When it comes to SO-OCD, the urge to analyze your thoughts or get reassurance about your sexual identity can feel impossible to resist. But the more you try to “figure it out,” the more you reinforce the OCD cycle.
Every time you mentally check, seek reassurance, or test your reactions, you’re feeding the OCD. Relief is always temporary, and the doubt comes back stronger, as does the anxiety.
The most effective way to break this cycle is with exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. ERP is an evidence-based treatment that helps you sit with uncertainty instead of trying to eliminate it.
How OCD treatment can help
If you’re struggling with obsessive thoughts about your identity, know there’s help available. ERP is a specialized form of CBT proven to be effective for OCD. General CBT, if not tailored for OCD, can sometimes be unhelpful or even worsen symptoms.
For SO-OCD, your ERP therapist may have you do certain exercises to overcome your fears, such as:
- Watching videos of people of varying sexualities
- Writing a story or imagining a scenario where you identify as a different sexual orientation
- Sitting with the uncertainty & discomfort of never getting a solid answer
These exercises can help you stop seeking an actual “answer” about your sexuality.
It’s important to understand that OCD treatment isn’t about “labeling” your identity—it targets the cycle of fear and doubt.
A note on LGBTQIA+ identity and affirming care
Questioning sexual orientation is a valid part of the human experience. That said, if you’re unsure if you’re experiencing SO-OCD or just exploring your sexuality, there are several OCD specialists—some within or affirming of the LGBTQIA+ community—who can help you better understand what you’re going through and guide you towards the right support.
When to seek help
You might be experiencing SO-OCD if:
- You feel stuck in an endless cycle of doubt and reassurance.
- You’ve lost interest in things you once enjoyed.
- Your thoughts cause distress and interfere with daily life.
Your best option for seeking help is to consult a mental health professional. An OCD specialist can help you make sense of your experiences and start you on the right treatment.
Find the right OCD therapist for you
All our therapists are licensed and trained in exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP), the gold standard treatment for OCD.
Bottom line
SO-OCD creates distressing doubts that feel like denial, but they’re part of the OCD cycle, not a reflection of your true identity. If you’re ready to break from the cycle, reach out to an OCD specialist who can recommend the best treatment for your symptoms.
Key takeaways
- SO-OCD causes intrusive thoughts and anxiety around sexuality, often leading to compulsive checking or reassurance-seeking.
- The fear of being “in denial” is actually a common OCD obsession, not a sign that your thoughts are true.
- Trying to figure it all out only strengthens the OCD loop and keeps you stuck.
- Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy helps you break free by learning to tolerate uncertainty.
