If Blake Lively, the lead actress of one of the biggest movies this year, It Ends With Us, is all smiles, telling people “grab your friends, wear your florals and head out to see it,” the film must be lighthearted and fun, right? Something to go check out on a Friday night with the girls, preparing to laugh and cry like any other rom-com.
But despite the fun, flirty marketing, It Ends With Us is a much darker story than the trailer and press interviews lead on to. The movie is surrounded by controversy due to the shock and trauma-related triggers many viewers felt walking into the film, originally thinking it was light and fluffy, but then learning it is centered around intimate partner violence (also known as domestic violence).
This film adaptation of Colleen Hoover’s best selling novel follows Lily Bloom, a young woman who falls in love with a charming neurosurgeon named Ryle Kincaid. As they get deeper into their relationship, Lily finds herself trapped in a cycle of abuse that she has to find the strength to escape, despite her love for Ryle. While romance and humor are definitely part of the story, at the core, It Ends With Us is a film about intimate partner violence and the importance of ending toxic cycles.
If you or someone you know is experiencing intimate partner violence, help is available.
Marketing Missteps and Misleading Promotion
It Ends With Us is surrounded by controversy due to the shock and trauma-related triggers it contains. Many viewers walked into the film thinking it was going to be light and fluffy, only to learn the story centered on intimate partner violence. For one, there were no warnings or resources within the trailer or before the movie, or much talk of the subject at hand from the lead actress or the author.
With the misleading press from Lively and Hoover, it’s not hard to see where viewers get the impression that the film is a romantic comedy. Lively’s own social media is scattered with images of her floral outfits and videos of her promoting her hair care products at the red carpet, which people feel is a huge missed opportunity for shedding light on the severity of domestic violence. Lively also reportedly tried to “cancel” director and co-star Justin Baldoni, claiming she felt uncomfortable around him on set. This, and her refusal to speak about him in interviews, sparked rumors of a feud and drew plenty of media attention. Ultimately, viewers have rallied behind Baldoni and support his dedication to highlight the movie’s serious subject matter.
Viewer Reactions to the Film
On Tiktok, user @yourfavefeminist posted a video talking about how someone went to the theaters to see It Ends With Us and left traumatized, expecting a completely different experience than what the movie offered.
Her comments were filled with numerous people agreeing, sharing their own experiences about watching the film, and adding why they were so disappointed.
“For folks who have domestic violence trauma, it’s important to have trigger warnings for media, as people can opt to choose if watching it is something they can withstand,” shared Alessandra Rizzotti, LCSW. For some, seeing triggering content can be overwhelming and distressing. For others, it might be the kind of exposure that helps them feel seen and understood. That’s why even an indication of difficult themes—such as a helpline at the end of a trailer, or actors discussing the heavier issues during press—in the media can be important. It gives you the chance to decide if you’re prepared for what you’re about to watch and how it might affect you.
Trigger Warnings: The Pros and Cons
Whether someone is ready to watch It Ends With Us or not, providing options and awareness allows people to make informed decisions about what works for them. “Responsible media allows for trigger warnings to ensure that a person who didn’t have choice at the time of their trauma can have choice in watching media,” Rizzotti shared.
It is important to note that trigger warnings aren’t helpful for everyone—it all depends on the individual. On one hand, having the warning lets you decide if you need more time to work on some response prevention before watching, or if you are ready to jump in. “Media can sometimes serve as an effective in vivo exposure if a person watching it has enough response prevention skills to know that media doesn’t necessarily represent their experience, and may or may not bring up their own memories of trauma,” Rizzotti explained. On the other hand, trigger warnings can sometimes cause people to avoid the subject completely, or, for people with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), it can become a source of rumination.
Mental Illnesses and Triggers: How to Find Help
One of the common mental illnesses where the use of trigger warnings is debated is OCD, a condition where individuals repeatedly experience intrusive thoughts, urges, feelings or images. These obsessions can create intense distress, leading to compulsive actions, both physical and mental, in an attempt to find relief.
If someone has Relationship OCD (ROCD) and knows watching something about domestic violence can cause them to worry that their partner could hurt them, they should focus on recognizing those thoughts, not fueling them, and avoid confessing or expressing these worries to their partner. Sometimes, a trigger warning can help with this so people feel prepared, but the trigger can also cause further rumination. It all depends on the individual, Rizzotti explains.
If you are struggling with ROCD, it is important to seek proper treatment, which is Exposure and Response Prevention therapy (ERP). ERP works by gradually exposing you to your triggers, and teaching response prevention strategies to cope with your distress.
If someone has relationship trauma and is diagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a trigger warning or listing of resources can be very helpful. This ensures the person knows what they are about to face, how it can remind them of their own trauma, and they can choose whether or not they want to watch it.
Prolonged Exposure Therapy is the recommended treatment for PTSD. If you believe that you have PTSD, please reach out to a licensed professional who can give you a formal diagnosis and equip you with the tools for managing the effects of trauma.
What Does Responsible Media Look Like?
At the end of the day, people who experience mental illnesses and the professionals who treat them have differing opinions on the necessity of trigger warnings. That being said, completely misleading an audience to the overall messaging of a film is not responsible. Take a look at the huge difference something as subtle as a change in movie posters can make.
The original poster represents a much darker imagery than the poster the movie actually went with, which showcases the actress smiling and surrounded by flowers. TikTok user @introvert082 commented “Photos aside. I’d say the sub title ‘we break the pattern…’ is so much stronger and tells a substantial message.” Even if a strict trigger warning wasn’t given, if the marketing around It Ends With Us was more in line with accurately portraying the intensity of the movie, people could have been more prepared.
Responsible media makes sure audiences are ready for what they’re about to see by staying true to the story’s themes and messages. Whether you’re in support of explicit trigger warnings or prefer a more subtle approach, it’s clear that an indicator about intense content is helpful—especially with heavy topics like intimate partner violence and past traumas. Providing a thoughtful content advisory, potentially showing a help hotline, and making sure influential figures are speaking about the challenging themes of a film doesn’t just respect the emotional well-being of viewers, it also helps people make informed decisions of what’s right for them. Finding a balance between storytelling and sensitivity is what responsible media is all about. The controversy behind It Ends With Us shows us there is still a lot of work to be done on that front.