Why do I have a fear of cheating?

The word “cheating” is typically defined as the act of someone crossing the romantic, emotional, or sexual boundaries they’ve established with their partner(s). Infidelity can cause deep emotional scars, and while it’s normal to occasionally worry about it, for some, this fear becomes overwhelming. If you find yourself obsessing over the possibility of being cheated on—or even about cheating on your partner – it may be related to a specific phobia like pistanthrophobia or a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) known as relationship OCD (ROCD).

What is a fear of cheating?

The fear of cheating involves intense anxiety about cheating in your relationship. While many associate this fear with worries about a partner’s infidelity, some people also fear betraying their own partner. These concerns may lead to obsessive thoughts like: “What if I cheat in the future?” or “What if I’m being deceived?”

Is it normal to have a fear of cheating?

Yes. It is completely normal.

Given how infidelity is portrayed in media, news, and entertainment, it’s natural to worry about cheating—especially for those that have experienced past betrayal. After all, cheating is a significant breach of trust, and it’s understandable to have lingering insecurities.

When does a fear of cheating become more serious?

Fear of cheating becomes more serious when it starts interfering with your daily life or your relationship. If you find yourself stuck with constant “what if” thoughts—despite reassurance from your partner or efforts to work through the fear—it could be a sign of pistanthrophobia or relationship OCD.

“If cheating has never happened, and you’re just worried about being cheated on or cheating on somebody, and you’re obsessing about it, then it’s probably crossing the line into something concerning,” says Tracie Zinman-Ibrahim, MA, LMFT, CST, Chief Compliance Officer at NOCD.

Pistanthrophobia

Specific phobias are anxiety disorders marked by intense, irrational fears that pose little or no real danger. People with specific phobias often perform safety behaviors—actions meant to prevent a feared outcome. A specific phobia associated with severe cheating anxiety is pistanthrophobia: the fear of trusting people in relationships. 

While building trust naturally takes time, people with pistanthrophobia experience a persistent fear of emotional closeness, often rooted in past betrayal or relationship trauma. This fear can make it difficult to form or maintain intimate connections.

Common safety behaviors related to fear of cheating may include:

• Avoiding conversations or interactions with someone who could be a potential love interest.
• Acting guarded, distant, or emotionally closed off.
• Ignoring or shutting down flirtation or expressions of interest.

Relationship OCD

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a treatable mental health condition marked by obsessions—intrusive thoughts, images, or urges that cause anxiety—and compulsions, which are actions performed to relieve distress from obsessions or to prevent something awful from happening. 

A subtype of OCD—relationship OCD (ROCD)—can cause persistent worries about cheating, which is why some people call it “cheating OCD.” People with ROCD may obsessively question every aspect of their relationship, constantly seeking reassurance that their partnership is secure.

“With relationship OCD, you have an excessive amount of fears and concerns about whether your partner is right for you,” says Zinman-Ibrahim. Someone with ROCD might think: “If I look at somebody when they walk by, and I think they’re attractive, does that mean that I’m cheating or about to cheat? You start trying to put things together that don’t make any sense and turn it into a cheating scenario.”

Common triggers

People with an intense fear of cheating often notice their anxiety spike in certain situations. Common triggers include:

• Seeing or interacting with someone they find attractive.
• Reminders of past relationships or betrayals.
• Watching or listening to content about cheating.
• Seeing the text messages or social media activity of their partner.
• Having dreams about infidelity.
• Thinking about someone else during intimate moments with their partner.

Common obsessions about cheating

These triggers can lead to intrusive thoughts about cheating, such as:

• “What if I unintentionally cheat?”
• “What if I actually want to cheat?”
• “What if my partner is cheating on me?”
• “What if I forgot and have cheated without knowing?”
• “What if I lose control and do something I regret?”

Common compulsions

To cope with these obsessions, someone with relationship OCD may engage in behaviors or mental routines, including:

• Avoiding or limiting interactions with people who aren’t their partner.
• Mentally checking past experiences for signs of cheating.
• Seeking constant reassurance from their partner or others.
• Avoiding situations or media that could trigger thoughts about cheating.
• Monitoring physical or emotional responses for “signs” of attraction or infidelity.
• Ruminating over whether they or their partner are cheating.

How can I tell if it’s relationship OCD and not typical relationship anxiety?

People with OCD who fear cheating often experience persistent, repetitive doubts about their relationship—even when there is no real evidence of infidelity. These doubts can occur in otherwise healthy, secure partnerships.

“The hallmark of OCD is recurrent doubt, over and over again,” says Taylor Newendorp, MA, LCPC, Network Clinical Training Director at NOCD. “That doubt usually attaches itself to something that’s really meaningful to the individual, such as their relationships.”

So, how can you tell if you’re experiencing normal relationship anxiety or relationship OCD? According to Newendorp, key factors include the intensity of distress, the presence of compulsive behaviors, and how much time the worry consumes.

“The fears of cheating become a sign of OCD when they are consuming at least an hour of the person’s day on average,” he says. “Additionally, OCD may be at play when the person is actively trying to ‘solve’ their fears, causing an ongoing level of distress that’s starting to impair their functioning, and even their relationship itself.”

How can I tell if my fear of cheating is OCD or a specific phobia?

While OCD and phobias can look similar on the surface, they are distinct mental health conditions with different underlying patterns.

Pistanthrophobia often develops after a painful or traumatic relationship experience. Because of this, people with pistanthrophobia may engage in safety behaviors—like avoiding emotional closeness or intimacy—to protect themselves from being hurt again.

In contrast, OCD-related fears of cheating are not necessarily tied to past experiences. Instead, they stem from intrusive thoughts and uncertainty about what might happen. To cope with this anxiety, people with cheating OCD feel compelled to perform mental or behavioral rituals in an attempt to feel reassured.

Another key difference is scope. People with OCD may feel secure and emotionally close to their partner overall, but become intensely fixated on the fear of cheating. Pistanthrophobia, on the other hand, often involves broader intimacy-related fears, such as difficulty trusting, opening up emotionally, or questioning a partner’s motives.

Seeking help for cheating OCD and pistanthrophobia

If you suspect you’re experiencing relationship OCD or pistanthrophobia, therapy is the most effective way to manage your symptoms. Exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy is a research-based, specialized therapy shown to significantly reduce symptoms, with about 80% of people with OCD and 80-90% of people with phobias experiencing major improvements. 

In ERP, you’ll work with a licensed therapist to gradually face fears related to cheating while learning not to respond with compulsions or safety behaviors. Treatment is personalized to your specific triggers and concerns.

ERP includes two main components: exposures and response prevention. With guidance from your therapist, exposures may may involve exercises such as imaginary scripting (i.e., writing about feared scenarios involving cheating or being cheated on). Zinman-Ibrahim explains: “You might write a script on cheating or being cheated on. Or, you may write some uncertainty statements, such as ‘I may or may not be cheated on. I may or may not cheat on my partner.’”

Response prevention focuses on resisting behaviors used to gain reassurance or certainty. “We’ll have you resist the compulsions, such as checking, seeking reassurance, looking online, and checking people’s phones,” says Zinman-Ibrahim. Over time, learning to sit with uncertainty helps weaken the fear and break the OCD cycle.

“With treatment, people see that distress associated with fear starts to come down,” says Newendorp. “Over time, the more they’re not responding to it in a compulsive manner to get immediate relief and gain a sense of certainty, the more they start to learn that these fears are just thoughts, and they’re not an actual threat.”

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Bottom line

Cheating can feel like the ultimate betrayal in a romantic relationship, so it’s understandable to worry about it from time to time. But when fears about cheating become persistent, overwhelming, or start interfering with your daily life or relationship, it may be a sign of something more than typical relationship anxiety.

If there are no clear signs of infidelity but your distress continues, reaching out to a therapist who specializes in exposure and response prevention (ERP) can help you break free from the cycle of fear and regain confidence in your relationship.